Man Makes Money Matters a Mystery to Wife–My Take on Dear Abby

Man Makes Money Matters a Mystery to Wife–My Take on Dear Abby

4 years ago 0 1065

The comments in red and deleted text are my way of encouraging IN THE DARK IN NEW JERSEY, who actually wrote to Dear Abby in May, to empower herself to be more assertive in addressing the state of her marital assets and plan for her future. What are your thoughts about marital money matters?  If you are like IN THE DARK IN NEW JERSEY consider revising your story.


My husband keeps all our financial information, be it bank accounts, statements, savings, investments, etc., away from me.  He has been unemployed for more than three years and keeps telling me we need to economize, which I do.

When I tell him we must review our finances together ask him to let me know what our finances are, he tells me, we’re “running out of money.” He keeps everything a secret, and when I am kind enough and patient enough to offer  to  asked, “What if something terrible happens? What shall I do?” he said, “You will be informed.” His attitude is controlling.

What kind of an attitude is that? He doesn’t hesitate to demean me by saying he doesn’t trust me with money because he thinks I’ll spend it all.

We sold our house for more than a million dollars and I never saw a penny in my name, let alone a bank account. I don’t have a job. I am, thankfully, a full-time student right now, loving what I’m learning and becoming more and more empowered with every grade I earn. I’m concerned deciding whether it would serve me well to I should get a divorce. Your thoughts, Abby?

Dear Emerging In from the Dark in New Jersey,

You should know, in fact, you must know It would be interesting to know where the money you and your husband are living on is coming from, and how your education is being financed, and how your future is being planned. It appears your husband is withholding financial information as a means of controlling you. I do think you should consult a lawyer, not necessarily to discuss a divvorce, but to find out once and for all what your rights are as a wife in the state of New Jersey. Once you learn more about your spousal rights, you will be able to begin to evaluate your situation.  Assign yourself homework of finding out about your assets without your spouse’s permission or help. And don’t feel guilty about this.

ABBY (& Nancy)

Printed:  May 27, 2015 |  Source: